Does Twitter Make You Stupid? SCIENCE TRUTH!
The Internet has been in uproar today over this report in journal of record the Daily Mail which argues that Social Networking sites are turning your children (or YOU) into idiots by rewiring your very brains. A top neuroscientist fears that sites such as so-called Twitter are “infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights”. Man alive!
Can this be true?? I decided to test the story’s findings for myself by applying the power of SCIENCE. Here’s how!
I put the names of ten top philosophers into Twitter Search to discover whether the resulting tweets showed evidence of intelligence or idiocy.
Plato! “Plato’s model is that we are rational charioteers for our emotional chariot. Current paradigm: We are the rider on top of a wild elephant.” An application of ancient thought to modern life, all in under 140 characters! Twitter 1 Mail 0
Socrates! “Socrates is full of shit.” In the absence of context one is forced to question the complexity of this critique. NOES. Twitter 1 Mail 1
Thomas Aquinas! “@thefuckingpope Thomas Aquinas was a light during the “dark ages”.” Use of scare quotes takes a mere 2 characters to encapsulate the revisionist argument on the relative ‘darkness’ of the “dark ages”. Result! Twitter 2 Mail 1
Descartes! ““Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power.” Rene Descartes. I don´t agree, specially our thoughts are in our power” On the one hand, an attempt to grapple with metaphysical questions. On the other, a basic misunderstanding of what “except” means. Twitter 2 Mail 2
Hegel! “Hegel: Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis. USAGOV: Republican/Individual Rights, Democratic/No rights/Collectivism, Congress/Traitors all. ???!” There is not enough room in this margin for the proof of his argument. Twitter 3 Mail 2
Marx! “@omjane I’m in the same position as you…. how do you start a paper about Marx…. Starting anything sucks!” Indeed, throughout history few have managed to write much about the obscure and uninfluential Marx. Twitter 3 Mail 3
Wittgenstein! “nothing actually. doing nothing. getting to know Wittgenstein. nice pal, they say. Heidegger is nervous though. Nah, jealousy.” Erm… Twitter 3 Mail 4
Heidegger! “finishing up a paper about Heidegger then brainstorming ideas for one on foreign policy…American fp fascinates me” Infantilising the brain huh? Twitter 4 Mail 4
Lacan! “Lacan, Deleuze, Guattari, Blogging & Psycho-Applications http://ff.im/1cqHk” OMG a hat-trick. NB I have not dared click that link. Twitter 5 Mail 4
Zizek! “Preparing a presentation for next week on Volf in dialogue w/ Zizek and Badiou (w/ a little bit of Shults on top). Wow that sounds kinky!” Yes! Back of the net! Twitter wins it! Twitter 6 Mail 4
There - proof if proof be needed that social media is full of smart people thinking deep thoughts. Mind you I suspect in the Daily Mail’s book continental philosophy is even worse than brain-gobbling social media. The moral? YOU CAN’T BEAT THE MAIL YOU INTERWEB PERVERTS SO DONT TRY.